Klarc, allegedly 41, divorced, match.com
Met Klarc at Loop for a cup of coffee. On paper, he was my dream guy. Coffee entrepreneur, educated, good-looking, plugged into the CLE social scene. He pulled up in a 5 series BMW. Okay, so I see we have similar taste in cars. Nice. We got to talking. Within 20 minutes he revealed to me that he cheated on his wife. Um, okay. This is usually the point in the date where I question...what is better? The devil you DO know or the devil you DON'T know? Both suck, right? But since he decided to put all of his chips in the table, I decided to listen (but not without a hair of judgment). He went on to tell me he was dating his mistress up until a few weeks ago when they broke up. Hmm...wonder what went wrong there? And then he proceeds to tell me loves women, okay, what guy doesn't? He said, no, that he REALLY loves women. What are you some kind of uber horny older man who didn't outgrow puberty? Alarm bells. Red flag. And then the piece de resistance... He tells me he lied about his age and that he is actually 50. COME AGAIN? His reasoning for lying about his age on his profile was that he was tired of receiving emails from older women (45+). Um, here's an idea. Don't respond to people outside your preferred age range, asshole. Why bring people like me into the fold and lie to me? At that point, my latte was still warm and I took a big gulp and told him I was no longer interested in talking to him because he is BOTH a cheater and liar. Two strikes right of the gate. Next...
Friday, September 13, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Solicitation and extreme cheapness
Mike, 40, divorced, 3 kids, match.com
You know what I always say about the hottest guys? They never live up to their handsome good looks and killer bodies.
Mike asked if I wanted to meet him and go for a walk in the Brecksville Reservation. Nice thought, but since I didn't know the guy, who's to say the guy wouldn't walk me out into the middle of nowhere and leave me for dead? (see what your imagination can do when you watched too many episodes of Unsolved Mysteries as a kid?). Plus I began to wonder if the guy was cheap or if he was truly trying to take advantage of the nice weather by proposing a walk. Regardless, I told him I was more comfortable meeting him across the street at Panera. On the day of our date, I arrived at Panera before he did. I waited up front. When he walked in he said they had a patio in the back that we could sit on. Great...but isn't this the part of the date when you ask me if I would like to get something to eat or drink? Nope. Nothing. So, we sat outside on the back patio of Panera with NOTHING on the table. I was embarrassed...my Mom always taught me that in a place of business, you always order something! So, ding ding ding, the guy is cheap. Immediately he began talking about the drama with his ex-wife. ICK, come on, man. After 10 minutes of hearing it, I said,"Well clearly a marriage doesn't fall apart because of one person, so what are you willing to take accountability for?" No response. Great...now I am officially dealing with a cheap AND pompous ass. I think I sat there for a grand total of 45 minutes before he asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I said no and that I needed to head home. He walked me to my car and checked out his reflection in the back window. I said, "So, how do you look?" He didn't get the humor. Dummy.
The next morning if or a text from him, asking me to wish him luck because he had a meeting with his attorney. I didn't respond. Two hours later I received another text from him, asking me if I thought I could use his consulting services. So, clearly the meeting with the attorney didn't go well and he is scratching for sources of revenue. I wrote him the following love note: "Mike, I think it is incredibly tacky that you are using a dating site for business prospecting." Within minutes he wrote back, "Jen, it's not tacky. I am merely trying to help you." How funny...I never asked for his help.
You know what I always say about the hottest guys? They never live up to their handsome good looks and killer bodies.
Mike asked if I wanted to meet him and go for a walk in the Brecksville Reservation. Nice thought, but since I didn't know the guy, who's to say the guy wouldn't walk me out into the middle of nowhere and leave me for dead? (see what your imagination can do when you watched too many episodes of Unsolved Mysteries as a kid?). Plus I began to wonder if the guy was cheap or if he was truly trying to take advantage of the nice weather by proposing a walk. Regardless, I told him I was more comfortable meeting him across the street at Panera. On the day of our date, I arrived at Panera before he did. I waited up front. When he walked in he said they had a patio in the back that we could sit on. Great...but isn't this the part of the date when you ask me if I would like to get something to eat or drink? Nope. Nothing. So, we sat outside on the back patio of Panera with NOTHING on the table. I was embarrassed...my Mom always taught me that in a place of business, you always order something! So, ding ding ding, the guy is cheap. Immediately he began talking about the drama with his ex-wife. ICK, come on, man. After 10 minutes of hearing it, I said,"Well clearly a marriage doesn't fall apart because of one person, so what are you willing to take accountability for?" No response. Great...now I am officially dealing with a cheap AND pompous ass. I think I sat there for a grand total of 45 minutes before he asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I said no and that I needed to head home. He walked me to my car and checked out his reflection in the back window. I said, "So, how do you look?" He didn't get the humor. Dummy.
The next morning if or a text from him, asking me to wish him luck because he had a meeting with his attorney. I didn't respond. Two hours later I received another text from him, asking me if I thought I could use his consulting services. So, clearly the meeting with the attorney didn't go well and he is scratching for sources of revenue. I wrote him the following love note: "Mike, I think it is incredibly tacky that you are using a dating site for business prospecting." Within minutes he wrote back, "Jen, it's not tacky. I am merely trying to help you." How funny...I never asked for his help.
Fisticuffs
Adam, 34, never married, no kids, match.com
Going out for dinner on a first date is a real crapshoot. It can either go famously well (in which case you aren't sweating the fact you are, at a minimum, committed to a total stranger for 45 minutes). Or it can backfire and leave you wanting to pull your hair out, wondering why you didn't propose coffee.
I tend to give most guys a, "Get out of Jail free" card on the first date. Nerves are a funny thing, and I don't think people are truly themselves on a first date. But when the conversation focuses on someone's upbringing and how his Dad beat his Mom, I tend to sweat a little bit under the collar. It is true you should not judge others...however, in a free society of dating, I do not have to choose to w with someone who grew up in a household with that type of behavior. I thought we had moved beyond the topic when all of a sudden he asked me: "So, have you ever been in a fight?" I about choked on my Panang Curry. I said, "You mean, like a fist fight?" He said, "Yeah." I wiped the corners of my mouth with the napkin and said, "Um, no, I wasn't raised by wolves. And what kind of question is that anyway?" Insert awkward silence in the date... And within minutes the check came and I think both of us were ready to part ways. So we did.
Drunk AND Cheap...what a double whammy!
Sean, 41, divorced, 2 kids, match.com
I met Sean for a drink at Bar Louie. He originally proposed the Clevelander (um, bad call) and I decided this guy wasn't worth an extra long walk so I proposed a shorter walking distance from my place. He arrived 15 minutes late because he said he couldn't find parking. (Turns out there is a parking lot right across the street so it wasn't that there wasn't a place to park...he just didn't want to PAY for parking. Big difference...
He talked about how he has two furnaces in his house...one upstairs and one downstairs. He says he only turns them on when he occupies that floor of the house. And he said his thermostat was set at 60 degrees. During the date he kept awkwardly touching my arm. eewwww. He ordered beers for both of us and left the change on the bar. I ended up buying the 2nd round of beers. He wanted a 3rd beer and I declined. When the bartender told him he owed $5.00 for his beer he told her to take it out of the money sitting on the bar. She counted it and alerted him that he was $.50 short. He didn't flinch. So the bartender awkwardly said she would cover the shortage. Not only did he short the bartender...he also didn't tip her. And that was the point in the date when he started slurring his words and asking me repeat questions. Okay pal, you're done. Then he had the brass ones to ask me if I wanted to get something to eat. I said no and that I was heading home. Cheapskate! Go find a greasy spoon and sober your ass up before you get behind the wheel!
I met Sean for a drink at Bar Louie. He originally proposed the Clevelander (um, bad call) and I decided this guy wasn't worth an extra long walk so I proposed a shorter walking distance from my place. He arrived 15 minutes late because he said he couldn't find parking. (Turns out there is a parking lot right across the street so it wasn't that there wasn't a place to park...he just didn't want to PAY for parking. Big difference...
He talked about how he has two furnaces in his house...one upstairs and one downstairs. He says he only turns them on when he occupies that floor of the house. And he said his thermostat was set at 60 degrees. During the date he kept awkwardly touching my arm. eewwww. He ordered beers for both of us and left the change on the bar. I ended up buying the 2nd round of beers. He wanted a 3rd beer and I declined. When the bartender told him he owed $5.00 for his beer he told her to take it out of the money sitting on the bar. She counted it and alerted him that he was $.50 short. He didn't flinch. So the bartender awkwardly said she would cover the shortage. Not only did he short the bartender...he also didn't tip her. And that was the point in the date when he started slurring his words and asking me repeat questions. Okay pal, you're done. Then he had the brass ones to ask me if I wanted to get something to eat. I said no and that I was heading home. Cheapskate! Go find a greasy spoon and sober your ass up before you get behind the wheel!
Maturity comes with age...or maybe not?
Todd, 47, divorced with 3 kids, match.com
So I met Todd for a first date at Southside. The plan was to have a drink. Cool. I like to keep it "light and breezy" for a first date in case things go south and I need to exit stage left rather abruptly. When Todd walked up to me I could instantly tell one of 3 things:
1. He was already drunk
2. He was on something of the chemical persuasion
3. His motor skills and synapses weren't firing properly
Take your pick. All of the above options suck. Whatever his situation, it made for painful conversation, especially when he started asking me the same questions twice. When the "conversation" shifted to booze cruises and bars, I knew this guy was a train wreck. So I politely shot gunned my glass of wine and said I needed to get going. As luck would have it, he parked right next to me. Great, now I have to deal with a potentially awkward goodnight. He tried to kiss me and I turned my head. Whew, near miss. I turned around to get in my car and he said, "Don't be a stranger" and slapped me on my ass. Yep, you heard me. 47 years old? Yeah right. I was dumbfounded. I got in my car and I swear my mouth dropped open. How disrespectful not to mention inappropriate. A few hours later I received a text from him: "Had a great time. Hope to see you again soon." Yeah right, moron. I didn't respond. The next day another text from him: "What are the chances I can see you again?" Me: NEVER
So I met Todd for a first date at Southside. The plan was to have a drink. Cool. I like to keep it "light and breezy" for a first date in case things go south and I need to exit stage left rather abruptly. When Todd walked up to me I could instantly tell one of 3 things:
1. He was already drunk
2. He was on something of the chemical persuasion
3. His motor skills and synapses weren't firing properly
Take your pick. All of the above options suck. Whatever his situation, it made for painful conversation, especially when he started asking me the same questions twice. When the "conversation" shifted to booze cruises and bars, I knew this guy was a train wreck. So I politely shot gunned my glass of wine and said I needed to get going. As luck would have it, he parked right next to me. Great, now I have to deal with a potentially awkward goodnight. He tried to kiss me and I turned my head. Whew, near miss. I turned around to get in my car and he said, "Don't be a stranger" and slapped me on my ass. Yep, you heard me. 47 years old? Yeah right. I was dumbfounded. I got in my car and I swear my mouth dropped open. How disrespectful not to mention inappropriate. A few hours later I received a text from him: "Had a great time. Hope to see you again soon." Yeah right, moron. I didn't respond. The next day another text from him: "What are the chances I can see you again?" Me: NEVER
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